5am Rituals

This summer I’ve been getting up during the 5am hour to write, a routine I never thought I could sustain. 

It’s working.

In college I read Judith Ortiz Cofer's essay, “5am Writing as Ritual,” where she asserts:

“An act of will that changed my life from that of a frustrated artist, waiting to have a room of my own and an independent income before getting down to business, to that of a working writer: I decided to get up two hours before my usual time, to set my alarm for 5:00 A.M. … Since that first morning in 1978 when I rose in the dark to find myself in a room of my own –  with two hours belonging only to me ahead of me, two prime hours when my mind was still filtering my dreams – I have not made or accepted too many excuses for not writing. This apparently ordinary choice, to get up early and to work every day, forced me to come to terms with the discipline of art.”

At nineteen I read those lines, set my alarm once or twice, hit snooze and lamented, “I guess I’m not going to be a writer.”

Except, at that age, I was taking this kind of advice a bit too literally. 

A few years back I heard YA author Adam Gidwitz speak at Hofstra University and he reflected on a similar sentiment. He said the advice he often heard as a teen was, “writers write.” 

Gidwitz, though, rarely set pen to paper. 

He loved basketball and playing with action figures. After publishing his first book A Tale Dark and Grim, he realized all those years of narrating scenes on the basketball court where Gidwitz defeats Michael Jordan or creating complex action figure adventures, helped to develop his craft as a narrator. 

Eventually you have to write it all down (or talk-to-text it down, the way the young folks do), but play is an important part of developing your craft until you are ready to commit to the routine.

Play first. Routine later.

My early mentor, poet Maria Mazziotti Gillan, used to tell me that around 40 you won't be able to sleep at night anymore and that’s when you’ll start to get up in the middle of the night to write. 

Let me tell you folks, she was not wrong. Maybe writing rituals are the gift that comes alongside perimenopause? 

Although I am not yet at liberty to share all the details, a lot of great work (and acknowledgments) came out of the first few months of the routine, including a beautiful essay version of my miscarried manuscript. 

Whether or not I can continue this routine during the school year remains to be seen. My responsibilities to my family and job begin at 6am each day, so even a disciplined 5am wake-up, only results in less than a workable hour. As Cofer notes, and I agree, two hours is the perfect amount of time to read, write, and set an intention for the next day. Keeping a running log of manageable bite sized goals has been key to keeping me eager to hop out of bed each morning and write. 

Kate McKean’s very candid newsletter Agents and Books stresses the importance of just writing through it (the pain, the frustration, the insecurities). An agent for over 20 years, she only recently published her first two books (in two completely different genres, one of which is a book literally called, Write Through It).” The struggle, even for connected folks like McKean, is real and I admire her candid explorations of it. 

Two years ago a neighborhood friend, much younger than me and in much better shape, invited me to a 5am weight training class that was running a $5 per class special. Never one to say no to a challenge, I joined her. Where I don't continue to go at 5am, I just celebrated my 150th weight training class. As my life changed, the schedule changed, but the habit remained. 

Creating a habit, is more important than the time-slot.

Regardless of whether or not the 5am writing time-slot persists, I'm happiest when I am in the groove with writing when it is a sustainable habit.

Thanks for walking beside me,

PS: Stand Up Paddle Board Yoga has become an annual summer ritual. But I do not Paddle Board at 5am, lol.

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